Xhaka Joins Football's Long List of Bizarre Punishments

Granit Xhaka was handed a suspended fine of 150,000 Swiss francs (£136,000) on Thursday for obtaining a forged COVID vaccination certificate in 2022, when he played for Arsenal. The Sunderland captain pays nothing if he stays out of trouble for two years, and he has already paid the court costs.

He is the latest name on a list the Premier League has compiled over three decades, full of bans for forgetfulness, fines for celebrations, and suspended sentences that were later triggered. 

These are the strangest.

Rio Ferdinand Forgot a Drugs Test and Lost Eight Months

In September 2003, Ferdinand left Manchester United’s training ground after a session and went shopping, forgetting he was due a drugs test. He rang the club to offer to return, but the testers had gone, and a test two days later came back clean.

The FA banned him for eight months and fined him £50,000, ruling him out of Euro 2004. United pointed out that Manchester City’s Christian Negouai had missed an earlier test that year and escaped with a £20,000 fine.

Ferguson Was Banned for Calling a Referee Unfit

After a draw with Sunderland in October 2009, Alex Ferguson said referee Alan Wiley was not fit enough for a game of that standard. The FA fined him £20,000 and gave him a four-match touchline ban, with two matches suspended, making him the first Premier League manager banned for post-match comments about an official.

The suspended part returned in March 2011, when his remarks about Martin Atkinson after a defeat at Chelsea brought a five-match ban and a £30,000 fine, with two matches carried over from the earlier sentence.

Keane Confessed in His Autobiography and Paid £150,000

Roy Keane was fined £5,000 and banned for three matches after he was sent off for a lunge at Alf Inge Haaland’s knee in the 2001 Manchester derby. A year later, his autobiography said he had waited years to hurt Haaland, and the FA reopened the case.

The FA hit Keane with an extra five-match ban and a record £150,000 fine for bringing the game into disrepute. The FA imposed this second penalty solely because of his written admission, not the physical foul. Today, Haaland’s son Erling plays for Manchester City. But we all know that. Moving on…

Touré Blamed His Wife’s Water Tablets

Kolo Touré tested positive for a banned substance found in water tablets in March 2011, and said he had taken pills belonging to his wife. The FA panel accepted he took them to shrink his belly, not to enhance performance, and banned him for six months, backdated to 2 March.

He also told the hearing he asked the Manchester City doctor whether his supplements were safe, but the doctor remembered the conversation differently. Lol?

Adebayor Ran the Length of the Pitch and Paid £25,000

Emmanuel Adebayor scored for Manchester City against Arsenal in September 2009 and sprinted the length of the pitch to celebrate in front of the travelling supporters. The FA fined him £25,000 and gave him a two-match ban suspended until December 2010.

It followed a three-match ban for stamping on Robin van Persie in the same game. Adebayor later called the fine excessive and said nothing had happened to the fans who abused him.

Tevez Fell Out With Mancini and Flew to Argentina

After a Champions League defeat at Bayern Munich in September 2011, Roberto Mancini accused Carlos Tevez of refusing to come on. Tevez said he had only refused to warm up again, and City fined him four weeks’ wages, about £1m.

The PFA ruled that the maximum fine was two weeks, so City halved it. Tevez then went to Argentina, drew a second fine of around £1.2m, and the saga reportedly cost him close to $15m in fines and lost pay.

Pardew Headbutted a Player and Was Fined Twice

Newcastle manager Alan Pardew headbutted Hull’s David Meyler on the touchline in March 2014. Newcastle fined him £100,000, and the FA added £60,000 and a seven-match ban, three of them from the stands and four from the touchline.

He had already been fined £20,000 and banned for two matches the previous season for shoving an assistant referee.

Di Canio Pushed a Referee and Got Eleven Games

Sheffield Wednesday’s Paolo Di Canio shoved referee Paul Alcock to the ground after being sent off against Arsenal in September 1998. Alcock’s stagger was dramatic enough that some accused him of making the most of it, but Di Canio still received an 11-match ban and a £10,000 fine. 

We were never going to compile a list of crazy stories without Di Canio on it, and neither will the next one…

Suárez Bit Ivanović and Missed Ten Games

Luis Suárez bit Branislav Ivanović on the arm during a draw at Anfield in April 2013, and the referee missed it. 

An independent panel ruled the standard three-match ban was insufficient and added seven more, which Suárez accepted after apologising. Liverpool fined him, and the prime minister weighed in.

Barton Made Suspended Sentences a Habit

Joey Barton stubbed a cigar into the eye of youth team player Jamie Tandy at Manchester City’s 2004 Christmas party. City fined him six weeks’ wages, four paid immediately (about £60,000) and two suspended for a year, and Tandy later won £65,000 in damages.

Barton’s disciplinary file became a catalogue of suspended penalties. After assaulting Ousmane Dabo in training, he received a four-month suspended jail sentence in 2008, while the FA banned him for 12 matches, six of them suspended, and fined him £25,000.

Cantona Swapped Prison for Coaching Children

Eric Cantona’s kung fu kick at Crystal Palace supporter Matthew Simmons in January 1995 came after Simmons ran down the stands to abuse him. He received a two-week prison sentence, which was overturned on appeal and replaced with 120 hours of community service, which he spent coaching children at Manchester United’s training ground.

United fined him £20,000, and the FA extended his ban to eight months and added a £10,000 fine.

Forget a drugs test, confess to a revenge tackle in your autobiography, or headbutt an opposition player from the touchline. Football has punished all three, and sometimes the punishment has been almost as extraordinary as the offence.

Xhaka's case is the latest reminder that a footballer's career can take a strange turn long after the final whistle.

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